


Typecast

by Cimila



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Angst, Avoidance, Bad Decisions, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt No Comfort, Kink Meme, M/M, Miscommunication, Past Child Abuse, Self-Worth Issues, Threesome - M/M/M, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-09-01
Packaged: 2018-03-25 03:59:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 11,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3795907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cimila/pseuds/Cimila
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry's got a type, and Eggsy fits it to a T. And it's not that big a deal, Eggsy doesn't care. He's happy with the arrangement, with the three of them together, even if he is only there as eye candy for Harry; just because he's a temporary part of their dynamic doesn't mean he can't enjoy himself.</p>
<p>He ain't falling apart at the seams.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yet another transfer from the kinkmeme. This will be kept in the same format, because all the little parts are rounded off quite nicely - literally just to make it hurt more.
> 
> Some time after Harry and Eggsy get together, Eggsy somehow (by running into some ex-boyfriend/kept boy, talking to Merlin, reading Harry's file) finds out that Harry has a type: cheeky younger men with working class accents and a bit of a rough side. Of course he immediately starts worrying that Harry is just with him because Eggsy fits his type, not because Harry likes Eggsy. Lots of angst before Harry catches on and makes sure Eggsy knows that Harry does indeed love him and the fact that Eggsy is also his type is just a bonus.
> 
> (You win the internet if this is Harry/Merlin/Eggsy and Merlin is the one exception to Harry's usual preferences, which would of course make Eggsy think even more that Harry loves Merlin for who he is, but Eggsy for his looks.)
> 
> You might have noticed the opposing tags of h/c and h/no comfort; that's because I haven't decided how this will end yet. I'm not even sorry.

Eggsy didn’t think anything of it, the first time. After all, there were billions of people in the world, and Harry was a pretty fit guy. He probably had people lining up round the block to shag him, and he didn’t snub his nose up at you if you weren’t posh, so it wasn’t really a surprise when they were out one day, the three of them, and they ran into one of Harrys exes. He looked like he could’ve lived on the same block as Eggsy used to; similar accent, same clothes that could almost be seen on anyone in their mid thirties who lived on the block. He smiled when he saw Harry, and nodded politely at Merlin, and raised an eyebrow at Eggsy, who was comfortably sandwiched between them. Merlin spent the next few minutes discreetly looking at Eggsy out the corner of his eyes, but Eggsy just smiled at him. After all, he knew that they’d both had previous partners, not like it was a shock, and he wasn’t the jealous type anyway. 

Next time was on a job. Harrys ex wasn’t the target, but worked the kitchens in the hotel, and Merlin advised him to steer clear of him in his exit, as the man was fiercely loyal with a mean right hook, and tangling with him during his escape would only be detrimental to the job. Eggsy only got a brief look at him, younger than Harry, bit older than Eggsy, but he heard his voice before he ran out of range.

“Eat anover fukin carrot an I swear-”

He didn’t dwell on it long, preoccupied with the mission. In fact, Eggsy didn’t think on it at all until the sighting of the third ex. They were just leaving a restaurant, Eggsy and Merlin practically through the doors while Harry settled the bill. One of the other patrons called out to Harry, all smooth edges and proper vowels. Harry turned around to greet him, and Eggsy could practically see the edges roughing up on the man, somehow not at all surprised when the next sentence was more working class than toff. He didn’t say anything, because he’s just overanalyzing things, is all. Not like Harry’s got a type. There’s Merlin after all. Wonderful Merlin, with his deep Scottish brogue and his amazing mind and hands. 

Looking in the mirror at his apartment hours later, Eggsy wasn’t so sure. Without the comfort of Merlin and Harry by his side, he had to admit that he was remarkably similar to the other blokes. Not in appearance, but they were all visibly younger than Harry, weren’t they? All had the lower class accent, the swagger of someone from the blocks. But that wasn’t so much in the grand scheme of things. He was just being insecure, worried about his place in the relationship he had with Harry and Merlin. They’d been together so long, of course he was gonna worry about where he fit in. S’normal. 

He shook his head at himself and decided not to think about it, put it out of his mind. And it worked, until ex number four. 

Casual as you please Eggsy smirked at Merlin and went, “Harry’s got a bit of a type, ay?” and he couldn’t help the way it hurt when Merlin replied _‘aye’_ and chuckled. 

“You’re probably the cheekiest, though.” Merlin said fondly, wrapping an arm around Eggsys shoulders. He practically tried to burrow into the larger mans side, desperate to get away from the idea that he was only one in a long line of cheeky, working class men, trying to find comfort in the warmth in the Scots voice. 

(The way Merlin had looked at him when they ran into the first ex makes so much sense, suddenly, but he doesn’t think about it, doesn’t want to know.

He needs to know)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some minor changes from the kinkmeme, btw, just a few words here and there in each chapter, some italics (because it lit took me embarrassingly long to figure out how to format on lj) and things like that. No plot changes, though.

He shouldn’t have peeked into Harrys records, especially not about such personal aspects of his past. They were dating, Harry should have the right to disclose his past at his discretion, just like Merlin and Eggsy. Except, as far as Eggys knows, Merlin doesn’t have a string of past lover who are all eerily similar to Eggsy, and Eggsy sure as hell doesn’t have anyone like Merlin or Harry behind him. He doesn’t think there is anyone like them in the world anyway. 

So he looks, and he feels bad about it, but he feels really fucking terrible when he sees that it’s not just a coincidence (he’d wanted to believe so badly, even though it’s been drilled into him that there’s no such thing). All Harrys exes fit the same profile down to a T. The physical characteristics don’t seem to matter, caucasian or not, tall or short or fat or muscular, only that they’re younger, working class and, from looking at their files, probably had a bit of a problem with authority and more than likely fell into the category that Merlin would define as ‘cheeky.’ 

Merlin was the only outlier, and Eggsy couldn’t figure it out. He turned his mind to that, ignoring the way that Harry seemed to have a type. Having a type was no big deal, after all. Everyone had preferences. So he thought about Merlin, and spent the next few weeks watching them together, before he understood. Merlin didn’t fit the type because he didn’t need to, because Harry couldn’t care less about what the Scot looked like, he was stupidly in love with the man. And, while wonderful to see, a comparison between HarryandMerlin and HarryandEggsy, well… 

Shit, he fucking _knows_ he’s not supposed to compare their relationships, it’s bad for their dynamic as a whole, but he can’t help it. He looks at them and all he feels is love, but when they look at him… do they even see him? Do they want him for himself? Or do they just see what everyone else does, what he looks like outside of Kingsman hours. Is he just a temporary part of their relationship, there for Harrys aesthetic enjoyment before they get tired of him and move on? On to the next man with a cheeky grin and rough accent.

Eggsy agonises over it for days. He should talk to them about it, he knows he should It’s eating him up from the inside, wondering if that’s all he’s good for. Not a proper part of the relationship, just there to entertain. Suddenly everything looks different, the things Eggsy’d assumed he didn’t get because he was so new to it, to them, became things he’d never know, because they weren’t ever gonna let him in. Because he was just temporary.

Everytime he goes to bring it up, however, it never seems to be the right time. Something else is always happening, something more important. Sometimes, when he’s actually managed to voice, 

_“Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something”_ before they’re interrupted, Harry or Merlin will find him later and try to continue the conversation. But by then, he’s lost his nerve, so he waves them away with a grin and a kiss, tells them not to worry, or it’s nothing, or he’s forgotten.

And, eventually, he stops trying to bring it up. 

After all, why ruin a good thing? Sure, he’s gonna lose them when someone better comes along, or when they decide they don’t want a pretty face hanging around, and want to go back to just the two of them - but that just means he should make the most of it, right? Enjoy it, enjoy them, and just don’t get too attached because they’re sure as hell not.

So Eggsy keeps his silence, and doesn’t worry when things go sour at the edges because, hey, that was always the plan, right?


	3. Chapter 3

Eggsy doesn’t think he’s ever actually had a full on fight with Harry before. They’ve argued, of course, but it ain’t ever been like this. They’re on either side of the room, shouting at each other. Eggsy can’t remember what started it or who - he did, probably - but now they’re shouting in the fucking office. It’s a bloody miracle no one’s come running yet, but the walls are probably soundproofed or something.

And then Harry goes quiet, and Eggsy can’t help the way he stills, freezes. It’s instinct. Dean gets louder and louder, and you can watch his fists, the way he holds himself, as a warning for when to duck or get the hell out of dodge. The one before Dean, though, he’d go quiet. It took Eggsy a while to realise it, to know that the silence was worse than yelling or visible anger, but it’s a lesson he learnt well and he’s never forgotten.

Harry adjusts the sleeves of his shirt underneath his suit, the cufflinks, but doesn’t say anything and Eggsy feels stretched taught. Harry ain’t gonna hurt him (not physically, and not emotionally either, cause Eggsy’s gonna wall off his heart from them if it kills him), but it’s hard to remember not to flinch away as Harry walks towards him. His head’s telling him he’s a fucking idiot, and no wonder they don’t want him for more than his face, he’s so damaged. The tightness in his chest’s telling him to run, go for the door before he’s caught, and maybe when he gets home his mum’ll be back from work and Ter-

Except it ain’t him, it’s Harry. Eggsy takes a deep breath but doesn’t flinch when Harry places a hand on his shoulder as he walks past. Then Harry says,

“We’ll continue this conversation later.”

Eggsy can’t help the way he flinches away from Harrys voice, thankful Harry’s already at the door and not looking at him.

“Sure thing, bruv.” Eggsy bluffs easily, like he’s not a wreck inside, like he’s fine to return to this later. Eggsy wants to find whatever’s more important than him this time and kiss it.

He hears the door click behind him and can’t help the way he crumples to the floor, knees weak. He knows with Harry it’ll be a conversation; they’ll talk it out, probably over fucking tea, knowing Harry. Merlin might even be there, and Eggsy can pretend it’s a normal relationship, like the ones Eggsy’s only ever seen on the telly, rather than the truth.

Eggsy takes the next mission he can in order to postpone the conversation with Harry. When he gets back, he only sees Harry for five minutes. He gets a hug, a kiss and a smile, before Harry tries to start the conversation. Eggsy feels his breath catch in his chest, because of course Harry wouldn’t forget, not like Dean did sometimes, but thankfully there’s a chirp on Eggsys comm from tech, and he can untangle himself from the situation.

A mission comes up when he’s talking to Merlin, after Merlin’s kissed him hello, but before Eggsy can get on his knees and comfort himself that at least one of his partners (however loosely applied that term is) isn’t angry with him, so Eggsy takes it. And the one after that, and when he gets back to England it’s been three weeks since he’s seen Harry, only talked to him briefly over the comms for mostly mission related things.

Harry doesn’t try to bring up their previous, nerve wracking conversation, just ushers Eggsy into bed between Merlin and himself, and Eggsy can take a breath without anxiety for the first time in weeks.

No one, surely, could remember what they’d been fighting about (Eggsy sure as hell couldn’t, but he can’t help the way he remembers everything that displeases Harry from that point on, knows he doesn’t need to because it’s Harry, not anyone else, but it’s instinct, innit). And he’s doubly sure Harry won’t remember after he sucked his brains out of his dick.


	4. Chapter 4

If there’s a medal for constantly fucking it up, Eggsy’s sure he’s gonna get it. Things had been going well, again, and he’d fucking forgotten that he wasn’t permanent. He’s not sure whether he wants to punch the man in front of him or shake his hand, because as much as he hurts now, it’d be worse if he kept forgetting and was blind sided by it later.

“Yes, he is gorgeous.” The man had said to Harry, of Eggsy, while he was getting them both drinks, unaware that he’d had a bit too much to drink to keep his voice at a normal conversational level.

“Anyway, where’s Merlin?” And Eggsy almost shatters the delicate glass in his hands, wants to break them the way his heart’s breaking, all over again. He hands Harry his drink, and takes a sip of his own while Harry replies, using the time to put his expression back to rights. It’s just, those two sentences explained his situation better than Eggsy ever could. Gorgeous to look at, to think about, for a few moments, before they move on because you need something other than a pretty face to keep people interested, and that’s all Eggsy has.

Merlin’s who Harry loves, who he’s been with for years and years; as irreplaceable as Eggsy’s replaceable. The worst part is, Eggsy can’t even fault anyone for thinking like this, because Eggsy knows he’s not unique, just another temporary working class distraction for Harry and Merlin. And Eggsy would keep Merlin, too, if he could. But he can’t and there’s no use harping on it, so he lets it go.

Next time Harry calls him beautiful, Eggsy’s torn between bitter laughter and wanting the throw up, but he does neither, just lets Harry and Merlin continue to undress him and lead him to bed. He knows this is all he’s good for, and at least Harry and Merlin are kind enough not to say it to his face, regardless of what they must be thinking.

When Merlin calls him perfect, though, it hurts more because he _knows_ the Scot is lying. At least with Harry, Eggsy knows he’s the mans type, knows that his physical self is enough to make up for any other defects, at least for a while. With Merlin, though, Eggsy can’t figure out why he’s saying it - a few months ago, Eggsy would have thought it’s because he actually meant it, but he knows better now. Merlin’s not stupid enough to get attached to temporary stress relief, or whatever purpose Eggsy fills in their life.

So Eggsy ignores it. Every time he hears either one of them admire his looks, he takes the way it hurts and uses it to separate himself emotionally.

Doesn’t mean he can stop himself from reacting when Merlin says he loves him, when Harry does. He comes untouched, their words pushing him over the edge, and he can’t stop a few tears from slipping out because of course they do, Eggsy knows how good he is at sex. They’re not the first people to get caught up in the way he looks, the way he sounds, and say things they don’t mean.

He says it back, anyway, because it’s the only chance he’ll have.

Because he does mean it, no matter how he’s trying to remove himself emotionally, he can’t help the way he feels. The way they make him feel, both good and bad. As long as he’s with them, it’s always gonna be like this; he could never be indifferent to them. What he needs to do, what he should do, is break it off. He’ll save himself a lot of pain that way, rather than waiting for them to do it when they finally get tired of him.

He doesn’t though. They could cut his heart out at the end of it and he’d probably still thank them, because he wants them and he needs them and he loves them.

He’s pathetic.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, new part. Now even with the kink meme. I actually think now that I've remembered this story it'll be finished in a week or two, because I know where I'm going and I'm really excited for it. Writing this part has made me want to write more. Aw yeah, creativity.

He hasn’t had an actual conversation with Harry in over a week. He’s spoken with Merlin, but only about work; Merlin a little voice in his ear as he completes his missions. He can barely hold himself together when he’s speaking to them about anything else, when they smile at him and it’s like they actually fucking care. And, fuck, they might - doesn’t mean he’s not temporary. You can care about temporary things - like, ephemeral art and shit. People love the fuck out of that, but they don’t miss it once it’s gone. A fond thought or two, maybe, but you don’t get attached because you know, _you know,_ it’s not supposed to last.

The whole point, basically, is that Eggsy’s still pathetically fucked over the pair of them, and it’s 100% not reciprocated.

And trying to pretend like he doesn’t care, like he’s not constantly in pain over it, it’s not working out too well for him.

So he scales back the time he spends with them, so that they can’t see through the cracks - because they’d be concerned and worried about him, because they’re right proper gentlemen, and Eggsy can only imagine how it would go if they found out. The concern, both of them sorry that they hurt him, _but surely he knew it was just temporary? And now that they know, of course, they can’t continue to string him along._ Fuck, he couldn’t handle that, being let down all gentle.

Somehow, though, it still hurts, even though he ain’t actually speaking to them. He’s not sure which bit hurts more - that they’re not talking, that he’s lost the safe space he’d been so glad to find, where he could just relax and be himself with them, or that they don’t seem to have noticed that they only see him for sex.

But, why would they notice? They only want him for his face, after all, for his body; of course they ain’t gonna notice or care when he stops bothering them all the time. They’re probably relieved that they can go back to just being HarryandMerlin, without Eggsy hanging around and trying to be… well, fuck it doesn’t even matter, does it? He ain’t eating lunch with them, or dinner. Fuck, sometimes he doesn’t even stay the night; just rolls out of bed once he can feel his legs and goes back to his own bed, in his own house.

Sometimes it feels like their hands are insistent, when he goes to leave, like they’re trying to get him to stay but that’s just wishful thinking. Ain’t either of them ever had a problem asking what they want, and they ain’t never asked. So he pulls on his clothes, throws a flippant goodbye over his shoulder as he leaves and doesn’t look back.

If he did look back, he wouldn’t be able to go. He’s fucking beg them, he knows he would, beg for fucking scraps of affection, for anything they’re willing to give him - he might even fucking cry, and then he’d really never be able to show his face again. Wouldn’t that just be truly pathetic, crying because someone don’t love you back - in front of them, no less. So Eggsy don’t look back, because he’s still got some pride, yeah?

(If he did look back, he’d see the sad eyes of two men who don’t know what they’ve done wrong, that Eggsy’s pulling away so hard, that he won’t even stay the night with them.)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still updating on the kinkmeme, but the ones here will have an extra sentence or two which I have to cut out when posting to lj because character limits.

Bringing Merlin tea is actually the only time Eggsy spends with either of them outside of sex, any more. It became a habit before he started dating them, he’d be wandering through headquarters and it’s easy enough to duck into the kitchen and make a cuppa before he gets to Merlins office. Merlin had been pleasantly surprised the first time he did it, and Eggsy’d kept doing it, the warmth of the Scots smile making him grin like a loon. 

So he keeps doing it, keeps bringing him tea, even though they haven’t spoken outside of missions for what seems like too long. Eggsy misses him, misses Harry too - they were friends, before all this, and if he didn’t love them so much that would the the loss that cuts the deepest.

Eggsy carefully places Merlins cuppa near the edge of his desk, within reach but not so close that Merlin will knock it over accidentally. Merlin smiles at him, a small thing, and Eggsy can’t help but take a seat in a spare chair. He hadn’t meant to stay, had planned on training until he passed out - Roxy said she’d spar him, and getting his ass kicked always takes it out of him.

And yet, he’s lounging in a chair, perfectly content to watch Merlin work and sip at his tea. Eggsy kicks his feet up onto the edge of the desk just so Merlin scowls at him and shoves his feet of. Eggsy grins in return, and the eye roll he gets for his brattish behaviour feels like a benediction.

He’s missed this, just being around them. Lately whenever he’s with them, he feels like he needs to show them that he’s worth keeping around - because he can feel that they’re drifting apart, and it’s his fault with how he can’t stand to be around them for longer than it takes to have a cock in his mouth or his arse, but it doesn’t mean it hurts any less. What he wants is to hold on with everything he’s got, to hold them close to him and tell them he loves them and try to make a go at a real relationship. But he knows that ain’t healthy, begging someone to keep you when they couldn’t care less, so he doesn’t.

He’s making it easier for everyone. He’s letting them go now so when they break up with him he’s gonna be prepared. None of that bullshit tears and begging and asking ‘ _why_.’ He knows why, they know why. It ain’t no secret.

But they haven’t kicked him yet, and even when they do he hopes he’ll still be able to sit with Merlin like this, in comfortable silence. He knows he has to go, though. Not only is Roxy waiting for him, but if he stays any longer he’s gonna do something he’ll probably regret later. So he stands up, can’t help placing a hand on Merlins shoulder as he walks past.

“Eggsy?” Merlin asks, and Eggsy looks back from where he’s halfway through the door already. Merlin looks at him for a few moments, face creased into a frown, and Eggsy wonders if this is it. Merlin opens his mouth but doesn’t say anything, and Eggsy can feel how tight his fists are clenched, even though he’s trying to relax them - because it's fine, if this is it, if only his tense body would get the message. After a few moments, though, Merlin just holds up his empty cup and Eggsy takes it with a relieved smile. It’s not now, he’s still got time. It’ll be soon, though, judging from that little scene. Too soon for Eggsys liking. Then again, as far as he’s concerned, fifty years from now would still be too soon.

“More?” He asks, and Merlin nods his agreement. Eggsy doesn’t mind the further delay, because it gives him a reason to be around Merlin without feeling like he needs to justify his presence. He puts the full cup down in the same place he did before, the same place he always does, and Merlin tilts his head up to smile at Eggsy, the same small smile as earlier, and Eggsy can’t help but lean in for a quick kiss - reckless with the knowledge that he won’t be allowed to do it for much longer.

He’s out the door before Merlin can say anything about the stolen kiss. He’s letting them go, he _is_ , but he’s going to cherish every kiss and touch he can, take every opportunity while he can because soon enough he’s not gonna have any more.

He has to stop outside the training rooms and calm himself down before he goes inside, because as upset as he is now not only will Roxy kick his arse, but she’ll sit on top of him until she finds out what’s wrong.

He can’t let her know how much he’s hurting, because, bosses or not, she’d try to tear them to shreds. And he doesn’t need that, regardless of how warm it makes him feel inside to know that someone’s willing to go to bat for him.


	7. Chapter 7

There’s a lull in missions, and Eggsy can feel the time ticking away before he’s called in front of Merlin and Harry and told that they’re done with him. Not with him as a spy, obviously, but as an object of their attention. They both get this pinched look at the corner of their mouths when they look at him, now. Eggsy wonders who the expression originally belonged to; wishes he had the time to find out. But he doesn’t, so he does his best to cling unhealthily while appearing nonchalant about the whole affair.

He takes a cuppa into Merlins office, sets it down in the usual place. He doesn’t flee like he’s been doing for a few weeks, the incident a few days ago not withstanding, and rests his hand on Merlins shoulder. The man actually looks away from the screens in front of him, and that’s how Eggsy knows he’s not busy. Well, he’s probably still busy, but he’s not actively embroiled in a mission.

“Busy?” Merlin raises an eyebrow at him, and Eggsy can’t help but grin.

“Not particularly.” Eggsy kicks at the chair leg until Merlin slowly moves himself back, until there’s enough space that Eggsy can slip between his legs and the desk, can get to his knees. Merlin rests a large hand on his head and that’s all the permission Eggsy needs, fairly diving towards Merlins cock. The older man doesn’t seem to mind, however, just spreads his legs further to give Eggsy more room to work.

When he’s done, he doesn’t move out from between Merlins legs like part of his brain's hissing at him to do. Eggsy just tucks Merlin back in and then rests his cheek on his upper thigh. He knows he should move, at least to take care of his own insistent hard on, but he’s enjoying the intimacy in a way he never lets himself, any more. Because intimacy makes him think of affection and affection makes him think of love and he’s banned that entire topic from his mind.

But still, he kneels on the ground between Merlins legs and lets Merlin run his fingers through his hair.

It’s not what he’s supposed to be doing; in fact, it's literally the opposite of what's good for him. But he’s never been the best at doing what’s good for him, so he doesn’t resist when Merlin eventually tugs him up, off his knees, to sprawl gracelessly in the mans lap. The slow handjob is the best thing he’s felt in weeks, even better than the last time he was in bed with both Harry and Merlin, because the way Merlin's touching him now, the way he's holding him, feels real.

Every chaste kiss Merlin presses to his face, to his lips, makes Eggsys heart skip a beat. One firm arm is wrapped around his waist, holding him tight to Merlin, and Eggsy has to press his face into Merlins neck because otherwise the man might see his eyes shine with unshed tears. He wants to keep this, wants to keep Merlin, but he knows he can’t. There are times like this, when everything seems perfect, and Eggsy lets himself imagine… But it’s just a dream, there’s no way he can keep Merlin, not with... everything.

After he finishes, Merlin just holds him, and Eggsy gives into weakness, pressing kisses up Merlins neck with no heat behind them, just to feel his loves skin under his lips. He stays in Merlins lap for too long, he knows he does, but he can’t help it.

He misses it already, and he’s still cocooned in Merlins strong arms.

A chirp sounds from one of the screens, though, pushing Eggsy into action since he wasn’t strong enough to do it himself. Merlin doesn’t let him go, though, just tightens the arm around his waist, keeping Eggsy in his lap while he uses his free hand to do, well, something. Eggsy doesn’t look, just tucks himself and his pitiful willpower back into Merlins chest.

It takes him hours to work up the courage to pry himself from Merlins arms, and even then he can’t leave without a kiss.

He goes straight home, and punches his fist through a mirror when he sees the stupid look on his face.

Stupid. It’s hard to wrap his dominant hand, but he does it anyway; it’s easier than lying about the injury when Harry asks, the next day, as he and Roxy prepare for a mission. He wonders if Harry noticed that he lied to his face; wonders if he cared.

Roxy asks, later, and doesn’t let him get away with lying, so he just shrugs and says he was careless. It’s not a lie, not completely.

From the dark look he gets, he knows she ain’t gonna let him evade her for much longer.

It probably says how emotionally fucked he is that he’s kinda looking forward to it.


	8. Chapter 8

Roxy corners him in the few minutes downtime they have after the mission, before their pick up. Not physically, his back ain't to a wall or anything, but they both know what's happening. Their glasses are off, hidden in their pockets, and they’re walking hand in hand through a park on the way to their extraction point. It could almost be a relaxing walk, except for how she tightens her hand almost to the point of pain when he tries to pull away and evade her stare.

“Eggsy.” 

“It’s nothing Rox.” He tries to deflect, half heartedly. She doesn’t look impressed, scoffs at his words, and tightens her grip further.

“Oh, of course, my mistake. That’s why you’ve been utterly miserable for weeks, now, because it’s nothing.” God, he’d been looking forward to it, but now that she’s asking he doesn’t know how to tell her how pathetic he is. How can he tell her that he’s head over heels for their Harry and Merlin and it’s destroying him? But he needs to talk to someone, or else he’s going to break, soon. He doesn’t have to name names, after all - for a spy organisation, it’s actually pretty remarkable that no one’s noticed. Then again, why would they notice his inclusion? Everyone knows Harry and Merlin are together, Eggsy hanging around wouldn’t even register on their radar. Who’d think that they’d look at him and want him and love him? Eggsy hadn’t, until they’d asked him.

Although, turns out they still don’t. After everything, though, the pair of them asking him out’s still a favoured memory. It makes him smile, just thinking about it.

Roxy raises an eyebrow at him.

“I’ve been seeing someone.” He says, thinking how to word it so he don't give anything away.

“Really? I never would have guessed.” Her eyes linger on his neck where, once or twice, he’s had a suck mark or two that weren’t covered by his suit.

“Yeah. It was good. Fuck, Rox,” He knows he’s smiling, now, thinking about how fucking happy he’d been. Can feel it fade, too, thinking of everything that came after.

“Was?” She asks, and Eggsy looks off into the distance, looks at the park so he doesn’t have to look at her.

“Uh, yeah. Not so much anymore.” She tugs on his hand, not painfully, just to get his attention. Eggsy never forgets that she’s dangerous, absolutely lethal, but there’s a look in her eyes right now that reminds him sharply. She looks about three seconds away from stabbing someone.

“If they hurt you, I’ll make sure they regret it.” She would, too. Painfully, judging by the tight press of her lips.

“Nah, not like you’re thinking. Just, you know, it’s not going to good anymore. We’re gonna break up soon.” He looks away again, because he don’t wanna know if there’s pity on her face. He’s sure he looks and sounds as wrecked as he feels; thank god they weren’t on comms, otherwise there’d be no hiding it from Merlin, from Harry. He’s been so good at hiding how fcked up it’s making him, no need to blow it now when it’s so close to being over. 

“What makes you say that?” He chances a look and, thank fuck, there’s no pity on her face, just calm understanding and it makes him feel better. Not by much, but enough that he can keep going.

“Turns out they, ah, didn’t actually want me. They like the look of me, but that’s it.” Her fingers rub the back of his hand, soothing, and he tries for a flippant grin; it doesn’t quite work.

“And that’s fine; things don’t always work out. I’m fine with it.” He doesn’t know why he’s trying to convince her, when she obviously knows how not fine he is, but the effort of trying makes him feel like maybe he could be fine with it.

“Whoever they are, they’re a fool. And I’m going to cut them to little pieces.” Her lips are pressed into a firm line again, and Eggsy can’t help but laugh.

“Thanks, Rox.” Roxy pats Eggsys hand again, and lets him think it’s an idle threat.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, I have a livejournal now? Like, p much a decade late, but whatever. It's where I'm gonna be posting little story bits that don't work/fit into the main story lines and such. All that's actually there currently is the first fix it for this story and me chatting about this guy I'm apparently gone for. (I still don't know how that happened.) But there will be more fix its and me talking about writing in general, the first because I promised Ella that she'd have something to soothe her poor, broken heart with, and the second because talking/writing in a casual manner helps me work through my thoughts. ANYWAY, the point is if anyone's interested I'll link it next chapter or something and you can look at all the ways I could've ended this story happily already and then chose more miscommunication and sadness. :D

Roxy, somehow, didn’t manage to drag who, exactly, it was that Eggsy was seeing, and he thinks that it was probably because they came upon the rendezvous point and had to get back to work. Back at headquarters, after debriefing and routine medical, Roxy went to one of the guest rooms and, presumably, collapsed into a bed and fell asleep. That’s Eggsy’s guess because he did exactly the same, just lingering in the meeting room a few moments longer to press quick kisses to Harry and Merlins lips.

Though not an overly taxing mission, Eggsy slept for eight hours straight and woke up to light shining across his face from where the curtains weren’t pulled quite together. Stumbling out of bed, he stripped out of his suit, half heartedly hanging it over the back of the desk chair and heading for the shower. He runs it hot, hot enough to make him mindless, keep him sleepy and content - anything to keep him away from the bitterness and sadness that actual thinking tended to bring him lately.

Distraction in mind, Eggsy wraps a hand around his cock, jacking it slowly, thumbing the head and leaning against the wall of the shower. He feels tendrils of heat curl through his gut, but doesn’t bother to quicken his pace. He doesn’t want to have a quick wank in the shower - what he really wants is to be sandwiched between two strong bodies, curled around them - but that’s not likely to happen. After the thought, though, all the pleasure in touching himself leaves. There’s the physical pleasure, of course, the feel of his hand sliding slowly up his cock, but he wants more than that.

And that just seems to be the cause of all his troubles lately, doesn’t it?

Wanting more than just physical release.

Fuck.

Eggsy lets go of his cock and punches the tile. Not hard enough to shatter it, or his bones, but enough to feel a dull throb while he turns off the shower and towels off. He doesn’t bother to wrap the towel around his waist, walking out naked into the guest room while he dries his hair, half hard cock demanding attention between his legs, which Eggsy’s decided to firmly ignore.

Well, until he lifts the towel and sees Harry sitting on the edge of his bed, that is.

“‘Arry.” Eggsy says, lets the smile curl at the corner of his lips because as much as it hurts, seeing Harry still makes his heart skip a beat.

“Eggsy.” Harry goes to stand, but Eggsy’s close enough he can sink down into Harrys lap instead, knees spread either side of Harrys hips. He knows he makes an appealling picture, skin flushed from the heat of the shower, cock half hard between them, drops of water he hadn’t wiped away rolling down his skin. Two large hands come to rest on Eggsys hips, and he gets a quick kiss on the lips, before Harry lifts him off his lap and sets him down on the bed.

Eggsy goes easily, eagerly, sprawling out onto his back, wanting Harry as much as he always does - more, even. But Harry doesn’t follow him to the mattress, doesn’t cover him with his bulk. Instead he takes a step back, and straightens his cuffs. Eggsy feels the heat that had been warming him shrivel and die; Harry’d never turned him down before, not when Eggsy was already naked and willing.

Either Harry was here for work, something serious if it couldn’t wait for Eggsy to dress and sign in for work, or…

“Eggsy, we need to talk.” There it is.

What Eggsy’s been dreading; they’re letting him go. Eggsy has the sudden urge to cover up, feels like a right tart spread out naked before the man who’s about to crush his heart, but a lifetime of habit has him stretching out instead, not willing to show weakness.

“Alright.” Eggsy agrees, because he’s already decided he ain’t gonna cling and cry and beg, he’s gonna take the news like the fucking adult he is, and then once it’s done, he’ll find Roxy and go eat a carton of ice cream or something.

Harry tilts his head slightly, suddenly, in the way that means he’s listening to the comms feed. Eggsy wonders if Merlin’s watching, if he’s helping Harry word things - isn’t sure whether he’s relieved or not that Merlin isn’t there to dump him in person, as well. It’s hard to pick out one feeling among the tangle in his chest, to decide on which emotion is predominant when all he can really feel is tightness in his chest and short of breath.

Panic. He’s panicking.

After all that, after everything he’s done to keep himself apart, he’s fucking panicking anyway. Fucking typical, really.

Miracle of miracles, though, Harry swears and his lips thin.

“Bloody fuck. Eggsy, we’ll have to do this later, there’s a situation.” And then he does a crisp about face, spine stiff with anger, and leaves the room.

A short reprieve, but Eggsy can breathe properly again. Then again, is drawing it out actually helping anything, or is it just going to make Eggsy more miserable.

Eggsy rolls over and shoves his face into a pillow, groaning as he does, because it _is_ just going to make him more fucking miserable, more of a bastard, to draw it out.

Gotta suck the poison out, or whatever.

Eggsy knows what he has to do. Doesn’t like it, doesn’t fucking want to do it, but he knows he needs to. He's not gonna give them a chance to putter about, to draw it out; the younger man is going to get in first, make it as painless for everyone as possible.

Eggsy’s going to break up with Harry and Merlin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes, btw, I am really tired and will have another read through tomorrow to double check. <3


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey~~ Sorry it's been taking so long, this is just a super busy time for me. I had my final exams for the semester and since then I've been occupied with packing etc, etc because I'm leaving Mexico!! :( Nooooo! Everyone should travel to Mexico, it's so good I am in love with the entire country.
> 
> Anyway, haven't had much writing time amongst everything, only a couple minutes here and there, but I've used those minutes to write so ta-da. Def won't be posting anything until again until after the first week of June, probably not until after the second week either, now that I think about it. Jet lag's gonna fuck me up. I'm gonna scamper off now, try and repack my bag for the second time, and organise a going away dinner for myself :)

What Eggsy wants to do is fuck them once more before the end. When he wakes up tomorrow, alone and cold and hurting, he wants to feel them and know that part of it was real, at least for a while. He mightn’t’ve had their hearts, but he had their cocks for a while, and that’s almost the same, right?

It’s fucking not, and Eggsy knows it - the difference between love and lust has been driving him to the brink for months and now he’s at the edge.

He’s kind of glad that it’s over, now; doesn’t want it to be, but the strain of being with them has been tearing him apart. At least if it happens now, he can at least pretend that his heart is still whole when he walks away from them. He doesn’t need them seeing how he’s falling apart without them; fuck, they haven’t even broken up yet but he’s fucking falling apart.

What Eggsy should do is find something to eat, spend his time writing up the report for his last mission and then when he’s finished, say goodbye to Harry and Merlin, acknowledge the end of their relationship and then head home. Act like a fucking adult, that’s what he should do. Instead he leaves his towel on the floor of the bathroom like a petulant child, pulls on some underwear, grabs his phone, and goes to find Roxy.

She’s only down the hall from him, actually, and still in bed when finds her, paperwork spread out next to her so she can work in comfort. She raises an eyebrow when she sees him, but it drops into a frown when she looks at his face, the way he’s barely holding back tears.

“What’s wrong?” She asks, shoving paperwork out of the way so she can get up, but Eggsy walks towards the bed, so she turns the bedcovers down, paperwork flying to the floor and pats the bed beside her. Roxy wraps an arm around him, and he leans his cheek against her shoulder.

“I… we…” Eggsy takes a deep breath, trying to order his thoughts so it’ll be comprehensible when he talks. She just waits him out, rubbing a soothing hand over his back after a few moments and that’s when he notices that he’s crying. 

“I’m going to break up with them.” He finally says, because that’s all he can really say, and now that he knows he’s crying about it, about them, it only gets worse. Roxy pulls him tighter against her, wrapping her arms around him. She doesn’t say anything, doesn’t try to placate him, which he’s grateful for. She just rubs his back and lets him cry it out and, when he’s done, she wipes his face with a hanky like he’s a child, and smiles when he goes to swat her away.

She turns the light off, curtains blocking out most of the daylight because she’d been smart enough to fix her curtains properly the night before, and they cuddle together in the middle of the surprisingly soft beds they have in all the bedroom in HQ, and she doesn’t press him for questions or ask him if she’s alright. All she says is,

“I know how to dispose of bodies,” and he can feel her smile from where her lips are pressed into his shoulder when he laughs, and after that, slowly, he drifts off to sleep. He’s only been awake for about an hour, between the shower and Harry and finally rolling off his own bed to look for her, but he could always use more sleep after a mission (always feels tired after he’s cried) and in the dark they can both pretend he hasn’t started crying again.

He doesn’t think to wonder what the emergency that called Harry away that morning was, until a brisk knock at the door wakes him up. He looks at Roxy, who’s also blinking, trying to clear the sleep from her eyes, and rolls out of bed, padding to the door and shivering a bit in the cold, so she doesn’t have to. It’s the least he can do, considering she let him cling to her for however long.

“Yeah?” he asks as he opens the door, and Merlin pauses, his mouth dropping open a bit, before he smiles at Eggsy, and Eggsy wishes he could kill the smile trying to take over his mouth, but, same as with Harry, there’s no stopping it.

“Sorry Eggsy, I thought you were in another room. There’s a situation, we need you kitted up and ready for a debrief in ten.” He says, eyes flicking down to Eggsys boxer briefs, smirking, and the taller man leans forward to give him a kiss, which Eggsy knows he shouldn’t let happen, not with how they’re breaking up, but can’t bring himself to stop anyway, he freezes. He’s looking over Eggsys shoulder, to where Roxy’s just sat up in bed, probably only just found a shirt to pull on so Merlin wouldn’t get an eyeful.

“Lancelot.” He says, oddly formal, voice a bit off, and looks back to Eggsy with an unreadable expression on his face. He leans back, but Eggsy’s used to hiding their relationship within Kingsmen, so he doesn’t think about it.

“Glad to have found you, we need you both ready for a debrief in ten.” There’s no humour as he says it this time, and he turns and walks away.

“Share a shower?” Eggsy asks Roxy as he shuts the door, and she nods. It’ll be quicker than him going back to his room, and sharing showers with Roxy is basically like showering alone, anyway. The’d been showering basically together since their training, anyway, with the unisex bathroom in the dorm room. She slips out of the shower before he’s finished, and uses both towels, one for her body and the other for her hair.

“Not fair.” Eggsy complains as his rinsing off, glaring at her through the glass shower door. She laughs at him, and leaves the bathroom to get dressed. The wardrobes for each room contain exactly ten suits, ten pairs of shoes, and ten pairs of underwear and pyjamas - one for each agent, for ease of access in cases just like this, where an agent has to go to back to back missions. Eggsy steps out of the shower just as Roxy comes back into the bathroom, half dressed, and gets a towel thrown at his head.

“Three minutes.” She tells him, and he gives himself a quick rub down before following her out into the bedroom. It’s almost like deja vu, except there’s no Harry waiting for him on the bed, just his suit which Roxy’s laid out for him. They get dressed in silence, and arrive at the mission room with fourteen and a half seconds to spare.

Merlin doesn’t look up from his tablet when they walk in, and Harry doesn’t look at them either when he starts to debrief them. Both men are cold, and it hits Eggsy like a physical blow, though he thinks he probably should have expected it. It’s fucking unprofessional that they’re letting it colour their interactions with Roxy, though - although maybe Eggsy’s just reaching, there’s every chance they’re upset over the current situation.

It’s a fucking massive fuck up, after all.

Gawaine was on a mission in France, and he’s gone missing. The last image from his glasses before a punch to the face broke them showed someone who could have been the target he was after, maybe, maybe not. Everyone not currently on a mission was being called in. Eggsy and Roxy were backing each other up for the mission, and also back up if the first plan of attack - Roxy - failed.

Roxy’ll attempt to snag the guy first, at an upscale bar the man frequents, and if she fails, Eggsy’ll try and pull him. If they both fail, they’re to scratch the honey pot and fall back, moving onto plan B, which is kidnapping. 

There’s no time to waste, it’s imperative that they find Gawaine soon, so Eggsy’s got no chance to talk to Harry or Merlin; he just kits up and heads off to the plane with Roxy, aware of the heavy silence between the three of them.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a short one because, at the moment, I haven't found the place to cut off the next chapter. It will also be partially from Harry and Merlins point of view - should be fun and not at all hurtful!!! It'll probably be up in a few hours, unless The Man From Uncle draws me back in again.
> 
> Save me from kink memes, basically.
> 
> (Also, I last updated in May??? Time, what are you????)

“You know, Rox, I think I love you.” Eggsy says, collapsing carefully into a chair in the currently empty office, hand pressing against his ribs to try and stop the jostle. Roxy and Gawaine had wrapped them for him, but he’d head down to the infirmary after debrief anyway. Gawaine was already there, probably complaining about how he wasn’t _really_ that hurt, and he didn’t need to spend an overnight in the hospital bed - never mind the blood loss or the twenty three stitches Eggsy’d sewn up his back while Roxy held off their pursuers. 

In fact, the bastard might even manage to get out in time for the briefing - his hatred of medical is deeply, _deeply_ reciprocated. It’s always a toss up whether they’ll keep him extra long out of spite, or throw him out on his ear as fast as possible.

“Really?” It was probably meant to come out haughty, but she was just as exhausted as he was. Seventeen and a half hours after they’d left HQ, they’d finally arrived back, somehow without any truly life threatening injuries between them. It was a fucking miracle, really - between the honey pot, and then interrogation, then breaking Gawaine out and running and hiding and shooting and stitching and that fucking brawl when they were almost at extraction…

Eggsy would really appreciate a long, _long_ soak and then a day long sleep.

“Mmhm. You’re the best. Aces.” Eggsy might actually be falling asleep in the chair, and before his eyes fall closed he looks across and sees that Roxy ain’t much better off, sprawled out on the lounge. Adrenaline crashes were the worst.

“You’re not too bad yourself, Eggsy.” Eggsy shakes his head, tries to get comfortable in the chair, gives it up for a loss after a few moments and instead squirms around for a position that isn’t going to leave him with a sore neck. A superfluous lounge cushion hits him in the side of the head, and Roxy doesn’t even have the decency to be looking in his direction.

“Lounge is big enough for two, Eggsy, and if you sleep there no one will ever hear the end of your whining tomorrow.” So Eggsy hauls himself out of the mostly uncomfortable chair, and Roxy shifts enough that he can face plant onto the lounge and not squash her.

“Honestly, Rox, what would I do without you? Love of my life.” He declares, loudly and close to her ear, and she elbows him in the soft tissue below his injured ribs.

“Love you too, _Eggy_.” She says, and he wants to elbow her in retaliation, but he’s already mostly asleep, draped half over Roxy as he is, and they’re both completely out before the debrief begins. 

#

Fucking Gawaine. If Eggsy didn’t like him so much, he’d hate him. Probably a bit over half a decade younger than Harry, he’s got the boundless energy and mischief of a damn teenager. So, of course, it’s his voice that rouses Eggsy and Roxy out of their peaceful sleep on the lounge.

“Such cute little love bugs!” He’s cooing, and it takes a few moments for Eggsys exhausted mind to catch up. Usually, either he or Roxy’d oppose being called love bugs. But that’s just too much effort so, instead, Eggsy shifts his head slightly so his voice can be heard clearly and says,

“Fuck off.” Gawaine laughs, as he always does - loudly and unrepentantly, and Eggsy wonders if anyone will care if he pulls out each of the mans twenty three stitches one by one.

“Right, time for that debriefing, I think.” Merlins deep voice interrupts, and Eggsy just about whines his displeasure into Roxys neck. That means he has to get up and he doesn’t want that. Not at all. They both pull themselves up right and then face the heinous task of getting off the lounge and into the chairs seated around the table. 

Eggsy wants to get up and go sit in Harrys lap; snuggle in go back to sleep in his strong embrace. He doesn’t - not even because he’s going to break up with them, but because they’d never been public with their relationship. It was, honestly, a wonder that he didn’t figure it out before he did.

So instead he sinks into a chair next to Roxy, the closet chairs to the lounge, and spends most of the debrief not paying one bit of attention because he’s halfway asleep again.

He might, also, be trying not to think about staying after the debrief and finally doing it. But he’s not thinking about it. Not thinking about anything, or anyone, or anything, except sleep.

Which is why the conclusion of the meeting takes him completely by surprise. All he wants to do, now that the meeting’s adjourned, is crawl into a soft bed, preferably with two other men in it, and not deal with anything until he’s well rested and can think rationally. He’s just decided to do it, to take the few short steps over to Harrys lap and ask if they can go home - fuck the rest of it - when he’s completely blind sided by,

“Eggsy, we need to talk.”

Well, fuck.

So much for one more night.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's technically only been a few hours. Just... a few more than I'd intended. I slept for most of them, and it was great. I'm super happy so many of you are also enraptured by the man from uncle. I'd like to say that I've been good and decided to fill no prompts for that kink meme while i still have these kingsmen prompts unfinished but, well, that'd be lying.
> 
> Also, the condition for this story having a happy ending was me bouncing ideas of my friend, but since that didn't actually happen...
> 
> Enjoy the chapter ;)

_Love bugs_. The teasing words are said without thought, yet they seem to echo inside of Merlins brain; it aligns perfectly with the theory that maybe Eggsy had been pulling away because he had someone else, or wanted someone else. Someone like Roxy. Roxy, who Eggsy was currently curled on top of on the lounge, looking completely comfortable with the way their bodies fit together.

Merlin hadn’t seen him look so comfortable with Harry or him for far too long.

He looks at Harry, who’s looking just as grim, and this scene has just reinforced the fact that they need to talk to Eggsy; soon. They had been hoping, previously, that Eggsy had just needed time and space - that he’d come to them if he was having problems with either of them, or their dynamic. Or, hell, if he was having ordinary problems Merlin wanted him to come to them anyway. That’s what people in relationships do after all, support each other. Eggsy hadn’t so, although distance had sprung up between them, they’d allowed it to run its course.

And now, it seemed, it might be too late to salvage their relationship.

Of course, that’d only be decided after the three of them had a long conversation about their relationships, and their feelings. They should’ve done it months ago, but life, as it tended to do, had gotten in the way and now Merlin feels his own heart crack a bit as he watches Eggsy burrow further into Roxys neck, the young woman raising a hand to scritch the short hairs on the back of Eggsys neck.

Merlin has to push all of that to the side, however, and concentrate on the meeting, much as he’d rather say bugger the debrief and settle everything now. Finding out what had happened to catch Gawaine, and almost trap all three of their agents while the rescue was underway, was arguably more important. Not to Merlin, not in the least, but to world security and the general population, probably. He tries to pretend that he isn’t looking at Eggsy for most of the meeting, tries to put up a professional front.

Harry, though, does not. He should, of course, but Merlin’s more than willing to pick up the slack for him here, and allows the man to think - allows him to watch Eggsy doze through the entire meeting. Hopefully, he’s thinking about how ridiculous the thought of Roxy and Eggsy is, how it’s a flimsy, circumstantial theory at best, built upon their own insecurities over the lack of closeness currently in their relationship as compared to the tight knit bond Roxy shares with Eggsy in their friendship.

Harry is not thinking that.

He’d agreed with Merlin, when the man had told him. Of course he had. No matter what was happening in their relationship, Harry one hundred percent believed that Eggsy was not the type of person to cheat on his partners. Merlin thought the same, had even gone so far as to reference his psych profile. On that part, they had nothing to worry about - the pulling away, the lack of intimacy even while they were tangled together in bed, that was what had been truly worrying Harry.

Relationships, Harry has found, don’t tend to last when there’s no communication. It was a hard won lesson of his younger years, and Harry supposed it was a thing all young people had to learn sooner or later; he just hadn’t thought to include Eggsy in the group that had yet to learn it. Silly of him, perhaps, but he’d done it anyway and now all three of them were feeling the consequences. Nothing that couldn’t be fixed by opening the lines of communication, however, and simply talking with each other. Like the three of them had done when Eggsy’d first joined them. A long, frank discussion about what they wanted from the relationship.

Merlin, Harry knew, thought they should’ve been having such conversations almost continuously to support their new dynamic. Except, he’d also fallen into the trap Harry had, and grown too complacent, even when things got a bit rocky. New relationships were hard, and fixing relationships was even harder, but Harry was willing to put in any amount of work to see it fixed.

Unless, of course - and this was the real problem, the reason Harry was so uneasy - unless Eggsy didn’t want it fixed. He was drawing away for a reason, whether unintentionally or not, and if that reason was he didn’t want to be with them any more, well… You couldn’t fix a relationship when the other person was actively breaking it apart. 

If Eggsy wanted their relationship to breakdown, well, Harry and Merlin would have no choice but to concede to his wants.

It was a terrifying thought. He and Merlin had brought thirds into their relationship before, but never in a serious capacity. All three were aware that it was temporary, and when it was over that was it. Except, Eggsy wasn’t temporary, to him or to Merlin. They’d started planning their life around him, planning out a future with him. Harry’d envisioned growing old with the pair of them by his side. To see that slipping through his fingers, for any reason, was absolutely heart wrenching.

His mind had spun through so many different variations of the converstion they were about to have, and he couldn’t decide which one was more likely. He knew which one he wanted to happen. The three of them would sit down, and in his mind this usually happened in their dining room, over dinner, and Merlin would open. Something like ‘ _you’ve been distant lately_ ,’ and Eggsy would give a noncommittal response. Harry had about as many variations of this particular conversation, as he had different scnarios.

This conversation, however, always ended the same way. Eggsy would admit why he’d been distant, pulling away, and Harry and Merlin would address his concerns. And then Eggsy’d smile, that beautiful, happy grin that had hooked through Harrys heart the first time he’d seen it, and everything would be alright. They’d go to bed and spend the night cuddling, curled together the way all three of them hadn’t done for months.

None of these thoughts or concerns or hopes were on Harrys mind as he looked at Eggsy during the meeting. He’d had months to worry about everything, to look at Eggsy and try and discern why he was pulling away, wondering what about their relationship, what about _Harry_ , was making him unhappy, trying to think if he could do anything to salvage the situation. He’d have to know what the situation was, first, to attempt to help. That’s why they were going to talk with Eggsy - why they couldn’t put it off.

Harry was not thinking much of anything, during the meeting, except how exhausted Eggsy looked.

He had his head resting on his hand, and it looked like it was the only thing keeping his head from the table. Maybe it wasn’t the best time to talk to him. All three of them needed to be awake and prepared to talk. If they sprung it on Eggsy as he was, he was more likely to fall asleep than talk. Had Harry been paying attention to what was happening, he would’ve been able to signal to Merlin that they should postpone the talk. As it was, he was too focused on Eggsy, and was surprised to find the meeting ended. 

“Eggsy, we need to talk.” Merlin spoke before Harry could relay his concerns, though the Scottish man most likely thought the same. Evidently, as he responded to Harrys raised eyebrow with a flat look.

Ah, a quick chat then, likely sorting out what’s been happening, open up the pathways of communication for a more in depth chat later, then off to bed.

Hopefully a bed with all three of them in it.

Eggsys first words gave that hope a quick, painful death.

“It’s been fun, yeah?” He starts off with, because he needs to know that it’s been fun. That they haven’t wanted to get rid of him since they started, that they didn’t regret bringing him into their bed. God, Eggsy knows he’s fucked up, that having that as the first thing he says in their break up conversation shines a very unwanted light on the black depths of his psyche, but he can’t help it.

“Yes, it has.” Harry answers, warily. Neither of them were prepared for that; maybe they were prepared for the reaction Eggsy would’ve had, if he’d been blindsided by this conversation. It would not have gone down well - before, he’d been thinking about where his things would fit in their house, had thought about asking Harry what he thought about babyproofing the house for Daisy. If he hadn’t figured things out, he right now be oblivious until they broke up with him, and then he’d likely shout and break at least one thing in a heartbroken tantrum.

No wonder it took them so long to do it, if that’s what they were afraid of.

“That’s not really what we want to talk about, though.” Merlin says, having taken a seat next to Harry.

But, since Eggsy had been planning on breaking up with them anyway, and he’d been doing his best to make this break up easy on everyone, he wasn’t going to do that. No matter how much he wanted to. He’s not even that tired, anymore, his body preparing for the movement and activity he was resolutely not going to do.

“Break up time, then?” Harry and Merlin don’t react, and Eggsy leans back in his chair and crosses his arms.

“If… if that’s what you want.” Harry says, quietly, and Eggsy can’t help the scoff that comes out. If they want to play it like he’s breaking up with them to, what, make themselves feel better? Fucking fine. He hums in what could technically be considered assent as he looks away, and then back. There’s no chance he’s going to be able to say it out loud, not without cracking right down the middle. 

“Let’s not pretend, yeah?” Why the fuck should he have to pretend, just to soothe them. He might fucking love them, but he doesn’t deserve to go through that, and after everything, they shouldn’t ask it of him. 

“Alright, lad.” Merlin says, just as quiet as Harry, and Eggsy can feel the anger bubbling at the base of his throat, can feel the need to get loud and break shit, even though he said he wasn’t gonna. There’s silence, for a minute or two, wherein no one looks at anyone else. It’s the silence that finally gets to Eggsy, he can’t fucking stand it, and since he also can’t beg them to keep him, can’t pour his heart out to them just to watch it get stepped on, he’s only got the route they left him.

Fuck.

“I don’t think I’ve got anythin’ left over at yours.” He’s been very careful about it. As much as he wants to see his things mixed together with Harry and Merlins, he also wanted to avoid having to go through and detangle his things, throwing them into that stereotypical cardboard fucking box.

“We’ll check, once we get home.” Merlin tells him, and Eggsy shrugs.

“Just chuck whatever’s left out.” If he found a cardboard box on his step, he’d probably destroy anything in it anyway. Although, it wouldn’t be an old box, not with Harry. He’d probably package it all up properly, like a real fucking gentleman, and have it delivered by courier or something.

“I’d appreciate any things of mine being returned.” Harry says, voice raising to a normal level, and Eggsy can’t help the way his face twists.

Apparently, being cracked dead center was too much to hope for. Eggsy feels fucking shattered, and they haven’t even finished the conversation yet.

“Neither of you have ever been to my place.” And it hurts, it hurts so fucking much. He can’t even get rid of their things, can’t get closure that way, because they’d never deigned to lower themselves to visit his fucking house. Not even to pick him up, he’d always come to theirs. God, he’s such a fucking idiot for taking so long to realise, he really is.

“We done, then?” He asks, loud into another silence, and both Harry and Merlin nod their heads, after a few seconds. Eggsy levers himself out of his chair, and heads towards the door. He’s halfway to the door when he has the urge to turn around and ask them why he wasn’t enough, what he could’ve done to make them want to keep him, and then he’s halfway through turning around before he can talk himself out of it - because it’s a stupid fucking idea, and he’s got more fucking respect than that, than to go crawling back when he hasn’t even left the god damned room.

Luckily, the stony looks on their faces bring him back to his senses, and he forces whatever levity he has left in his body into his voice and says, probably not quite as joking as he wanted it to be,

“Although, if you wanted me for some fun, that’d be fine. It’s what I’m good at, after all.” He couldn’t stop the way ‘ _it’s all I’m good for, after all_ ’ seemed to hang in the air after the sentence, unspoken but oh so apparent. It goes unnoticed by Harry and Merlin, who have both been taken aback by the abrupt end to their relationship, too far in their own heads and their own heartbreak to hear it.

“We’ll take that under advisement.” Harry replies, stiffly, and it cuts Eggsy deep. The silent acknowledgement that, yes that _is_ all he’s good for, hurts so much. There’s nothing he can say to it, because he already knew that’s what they thought of him, there’s no way he can refute it when it’s what he’s been relying on for the last few months of their… can he even call it a relationship?

“Great. I’m gonna go ‘ave a nap now. See you later.” And he manages to smile at them, like he’s happy it’s ended so amicably, like he’s happy it ended at all, and throws a jaunty wave over his shoulder as he leaves. He pulls the door to behind him, and hopes he can pull himself together before he sees them next. He’s glad, for once, that there’s a mandatory down time between missions that reach a certain danger quotient. He has time, he can leave HQ and go home, to his own bed, where he can cry into the sheets and break apart as much as he needs to before anyone needs him to be presentable.

It’ll take a while to get home, back to the house he shares with his mum and sister, which is far too close to Harrys house, but he can’t do much about that. He’ll change to the street clothes he keeps in the shop for emergencies, go home and let his mum fuss over him, make him a cuppa before he heads to bed. Or, if he’s too tired, let her make him a cuppa tomorrow, as well as talk about what’s upset him.

Roxy’s waiting for him a few paces down the corridor, propping herself up against the wall and looking as tired as he feels. She doesn’t even attempt to smile at him, and Eggsy feels his own, patently false, smile slide off his face.

“We should eat before we pass out.” She tells him, even both of them are too exhausted to feel hungry. It’s a good idea, though. All they had on the mission was ration bars; something more substantial was definitely in order.

“I was gonna head home, sleep in my own bed. Mum’d probably fix us something if we asked.” Roxy, who usually stays at HQ immediately after missions, due to her home being farther away than Eggsys, considers it for a moment.

“Why on earth do you want to travel that far right now for. There are kitchens here, and beds.” If he hadn’t been so exhausted, he would’ve been able to come up with some off the cuff, easy answer. Something flippant - but his ability to pretend like his unbothered had been drained by the conversation he’d just had. So, instead, he leans his shoulder against the wall, next to her, and says,

“I’ve to go break up with ‘em.” If Roxy already knew who he’d been dating, he would’ve just told her the truth. But she didn’t, nobody did, so he told her a lie as close to the truth as possible. She places her hand on his shoulder, in lieu of knocking her body against his due to his taped ribs, and nods her head.

“Right. We’ll head back to yours, eat something, have a good nights sleep, and then you can go break up with them. While you do that, I’ll get some wine and ice cream - meet back at yours.” Eggsy chuckles, just when he was starting to feel like he’d never scrape enough of himself together again to find humour in anything. But that concise, no nonsense plan detailing how to take care of themselves physically then emotionally, was so typically Roxy that there’s nothing he can do but be amused by it, and pleased that he still has Roxy.

If he’s got a tear or two in the corner of his eyes, she’s a good enough mate not to say anything. She just peels them both from the wall, and marches them in the direction of the ride back to the tube, and the shop, and eventually Eggsys place - leaving behind a not quite shut door, and two quietly gutted men.

“Well,” Harry says after a time, “it looks like Eggsy is the sort, after all.”

They’d playing for keeps, as it were, while Eggsy’d been playing them for fools.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The temptation to end the story here was so huge, you have no idea.
> 
> I changed the ending of this chapter a bit to cut it off, so now I have a tiny bit of the next chapter started, yay!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to everyone over on the kinkmeme, I 100% promise this is not abandoned. I just got sidetracked - I assure you I've hurt my friends by plotting out more of this story, so there's definitely more to come. :) <3
> 
> (That's... probably not comforting, actually, unless you like angst. If you do, we'll be great friends.)


End file.
